To feel better, men go to their caves to solve problems alone.
When a man gets upset, he never talks about what is bothering him. He becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave. If he can’t find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game.
To feel better, women get together and openly talk about their problems.
When a woman becomes upset or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When women share feelings of being overwhelmed, confused, hopeless and exhausted, they suddenly feel better. For women, sharing problems with another is considered a sign of love and trust, not a burden.
However, women generally do not understand how men cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way women do.
To expect a man who is in his cave instantly to become open, responsive and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who is upset immediately to calm down and make complete sense. It is a mistake to expect a man to always be in touch with his loving feelings just as it is a mistake to expect a woman’s feelings to always be rational and logical.
By remembering that men are from Mars, a woman can correctly interpret his reaction to stress as his coping mechanism rather than as an expression of how he feels about her.
On the other hand, men generally have little awareness of how distant they become when they are in the cave. As a man recognizes how withdrawing into his cave may affect women, he can be compassionate when she feels neglected and unimportant.
By remembering that women are from Venus, a man can be more understanding and respectful of her reactions and feelings. Without understanding the validity of her reactions, a man commonly defends himself, and they argue.
A man needs to understand that a woman has the right to talk about her feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has a right to withdraw into his cave and not talk. If a woman does not feel understood, then it is difficult for her to release her hurt.
A man does not know that she will appreciate it if he just listens. A woman is not looking for solution from the man, but rather his caring and understanding.